Do you have thoughts of harming yourself or anyone else? Well, yes I do... thank you for asking. I have/will be asked this over and over again. I know it's part of the program, but I still wonder if I should reveal the truth. I say this because, I can see a change in the people around me. At least they seem to be walking on egg shells, trying not to look or act as if I might flip the hell out at any moment. Am I being paranoid, just imagining this? Don't think so!!! When I went to pick up my prescriptions... I even caught the Pharmacist looking at me apprehensively as he leaned in over the counter, and said "Did the Doctor explain what this is for"? Ahhh, yes~... I mean... come on... I'm not about to slash my wrist right here in Walmart.
The way I see it is... if I am still concerned about the life of others, then... I haven't been fully transported to the dark-side. These 2 thoughts constantly circulate..
**I know it's NOT a way out.
**It goes against my Spiritual Beliefs.
BUT....
Never the less...The Elephant IS in The Room
and also, if you had a two million, zillion quadrupal frillion dollar life insuance policy for your son to inherit, if you offed yourself, he wouldn't get paid. cent, from one depressed person to another...Don't let the bastard win! You have a beautiful love for others, (I can sense it on the blog) Take some of that love and give unconditionally to yourself. You deserve it damn it.
ReplyDeleteThank You, I do try to show love and compassion as much as possible. However, those two attributes have played a part in this never ending cycle. But, it is in my nature, I'm learning how to control it, and not let others drain me, as they have done in the past. There were too many takers, and not enough givers in my life.
ReplyDeleteWow, I was just reading some of your other entries and came back here and you had already commented back...cool I left some other comments on some of your other stuff. PEACE methinks
ReplyDeleteI get it... and I like it!!
ReplyDeletemuch thanks to you. these are words to live by when refering to the opposite sex.
ReplyDeleteMen are men... some not too bright, some just alright... maybe for just one night!!
ReplyDeleteI'll have to remember that one! I'm turning the lights off in ten seconds cuz' if I don't I'll sit here another half a night unable to sleep. Since I turned fifty last august, I don't think I've had a decent night sleep. My mother was like that too. can't relax, and hate to lay there pretending. Goodnight cent, I'ts been a pretty good day.
ReplyDeleteLovely Dreams!!!
ReplyDelete