My son Dee made a profound statement to his aunt today. It's safe to say that he new it would float right to me... minutes after his crackling, chop, chop, chop-a-pity vocal cords, released this stunning revelation.
I Won't Get To Be with either one of my parents! That is what my boy said... while showcasing his "joker face" of frustration (indicates that he means business). Wow... strap a couple of logs of dynamite to my upper torso, why don't you? Pinch me where it hurts.
However.... sadly he IS correct, his stepfather and I are separated, he doesn't live near us. I am going to be away for a couple of days, it's truly unavoidable. To be honest, I believe it's more than just NOT celebrating the New Year together as a family, it goes deeper. And by knowing my son's HEART as I do, he IS hurting, worried, and confused. I have to accept responsibility, for "Project Shield Him". This time it was a bad call, but with honorable intentions. I am not trying to justify my actions, just clarify my thinking. I have always maintained that a child should remain a child for as long as possible. Now, I am considering that I may have inadvertently hid behind that belief at times... in order to spare myself the anguish of discussing the serious issues that I'm dealing with. I will say this... today has underscored my thoughts/anxiety of my FAILURE as a MOTHER.