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Thursday, December 31, 2009

I won't get to be with either one of my parents for New Years Eve

My son Dee made a profound statement to his aunt today. It's safe to say that he new it would float right to me... minutes after his crackling, chop, chop, chop-a-pity vocal cords, released this stunning revelation.

I Won't Get To Be with either one of my parents! That is what my boy said... while showcasing his "joker face" of frustration (indicates that he means business). Wow... strap a couple of logs of dynamite to my upper torso, why don't you? Pinch me where it hurts.

However.... sadly he IS correct, his stepfather and I are separated, he doesn't live near us. I am going to be away for a couple of days, it's truly unavoidable. To be honest, I believe it's more than just NOT celebrating the New Year together as a family, it goes deeper. And by knowing my son's HEART as I do, he IS hurting,  worried, and confused. I have to accept responsibility, for "Project Shield Him". This time it was a bad call, but with honorable intentions. I am not trying to justify my actions, just clarify my thinking. I have always maintained that a child should remain a child for as long as possible. Now, I am considering that I  may have inadvertently hid behind that belief at times... in order to spare myself the anguish of discussing the serious issues that I'm dealing with. I will say this...  today has underscored my thoughts/anxiety of my FAILURE as a MOTHER.


  1. I don't think anybodys mother is a faiure, least of all you, ( or you wouldn't concern yourself with how he feels. I believe there are mothers who have lost their way...I am this sort of mother...but I find myself trying even knowing that it's too many years too late...I still want to try. I can't pretend to know you or your situation, but I know your heart alittle form reading your posts on the Haleigh case. Please don't say your a failure...What if your not? the wrong person might hear you and then what? It was you that started that rumor!LOL smile can suck if ya' let it get in your face! chuckle I hope I don't offend you. Sometimes my sense of humor is alittle brutal. Life ain't really like a bowel of cherries...but if it were...I'd be donating cherry pie to the food shelf. see, I babble and ramble too. Your not crazy...the rest of us are, silly girl. giggles, methinks

  2. NOPE, I don't find you, nor your sense of humor offensive. Did you read my Disclaimer, you and I could talk about wacky, brutal, crazy senses of humor, till it's time for the birds to fly south for the winter, and most folks probably wouldn't "get it"! MeThinks, never give up trying... we are our own harshest critic.

  3. No shit, huh...! I'm glad I came here...Your a good thinker...and like me, you appear to be as brutal with your words, hoping not to hurt others, however still allowing them to land on the ears of others just the way they rolled out of your mouth...others can deal with it or get their feelings stomped on. Its a choice. Deal with it. YOU'd rather not hurt anyone, but...its still a choice, and life is all about choices. Do I have it right? sound familiar?

  4. B-I-N-G-O... so true, we go thru life trying to forgive others for the ill deeds done towards us, yet sometimes others don't make the effort. First, normal instinct would be to try to make them feel the hurt/pain, that they have caused you. But, we choose not to! I guess no one would survive if we all made poor choices. I am honest, I am far from a saint, but I try to behave kindly.