consumed with guilt

No sleep at all... I am consumed with pain and guilt. It just doesn't seem that I will ever get over losing our home. It will be a year in Feb since I have been sleeping on my sisters couch... and my son has been living with his granny/aunt. There are days when I have to drive pass the house... it eats away at my heart. I can not get a grip, because I am constantly reminded that basically I am homeless. I know I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head.... but this roof comes with consequences... so many diabolical demands that at times I would rather be in a shelter than to have to hear myself being degraded behind my back, or have my niece and nephews walking around with condescending looks, and rolling their eyes... Especially when I know that I have literally taken care of all of them, when their PAPA did a runner... I should clarify that and say when HE DOES HIS RUNNERS! All I have ever wanted to do was/is take-care of my son... That house was for his security... now we have nothing... and I'm crying!