My aching wounds... what I wouldn't give for 300 balloons to fly away all this destructive doom. And to replace it with joys of bloom... bloom that can be seen and felt very soon.

I am so hoping that I am getting back on track with my treatment. A lot has happened and I had to withdraw for a bit... I needed to "see" where I was headed... and I did... and it was NOT a very good place to end up at. People don't understand that this is a life and death battle. It's a fight for control over the very basic tools/skills to "live" by/with. Some days are simply heartbreaking!

Still going strong on no sleep. It's a good thing that I haven't much to do away from home today. Come to think of it, it's Jan Brady's Birthday (my middle sister). Guess I'll text a lil message to her, maybe try to take a nap in a couple of hours. It's gonna be really hard to turn off, wonder if these Wasabi Peas that I've become addicted to are giving me some-kind of extra energy!?!

Skipped A Monday

I skipped yesterday because I had nothing to report... unless my hurling was of some vital importance. While, I do not/can not see that in itself  being "news worthy" perhaps this tidbit will qualify!! So as I sat on the floor, hugging the latrine/throne, bracing for the impact of maximum expulsion .. I nodded off!!  Yes, nodded... I'm thinking that, that just might qualify as informative!!!

Musing or Not

Yesterday was really uneventful, I suffered from a migraine in the late afternoon. So I was unable to pick up my medication, will try later on. This weekend I am hoping to be able to write a piece for INN, the subject has not made its self known to me. To be inspired is what I'm wishing for... Hoping, that little Muse makes an appearance!!

I have chosen to just take a few moments to jot down how I'm feeling today. It's been a roller-coaster, as far as emotions, thoughts. I haven't had a complete melt-down, regarding having lost my home. Although, the thought is like a punch in the gut, it hasn't consumed me. Today while securing the moving van and storage space, I told myself that all this is for a reason, a very good reason. What that reason is, I can't say, because I don't know! No doubt that the next few days, if not weeks will be difficult. I expect I will be receiving, a hell of a lot of backlashing from my "Interlopers". Therefore I shall pick up my prescriptions, book an appointment with the Counselor/Therapist, keep up with my writing, and seek my PEACE. What else is there to do?

A Sunday Stub!!

I have nothing really to report today. It's Sunday late afternoon and I didn't take my medication. I don't feel particularly different in any way. I think my behavior has been consistent, and there hasn't been any anxiety attacks since Friday. I wouldn't call this weekend smooth sailing, but it's been bearable so far. I'm not looking forward to what may come tomorrow, can't muster up enough excitement for all that. However, I will say a prayer of thanks in morning... just the same!

Fritzzzzz

Yesterday (1/12) was a little hectic, I didn't sleep particularly well the night before, I discovered the cord on my laptop was sliced/fried. Upon learning that I could not strip/mend it with electrical tape, I promptly announced to all that would listen... I was NOT going to exhibit ANY good behavior, if I didn't get a replacement ASAP!! That outburst has confirmed my suspicions, that I have grown a bit dependent on chronicling my issues here. Don't know if that is such a good thing or not. Only, because I truly didn't like the way/why I was feeling. I mean... who freaks out because their electronics are on the fritz?  ME!!

5:22 AM

I am freaking out right now...

One of my cats has developed some crazy skin disease and it's gotten worse. It looks like her entire throat is being consumed. I am praying and hoping that it's not Necrotizing Fascitiis (if it is/was, she'd be dead by now). I put her in the main bathroom and she's crying her heart out. My anxiety is so out of control, I have not taken my medication for fear that I may swallow what ever she's got. I keep washing my hands/ feet, and spraying them with this stuff that medical facilities use to disinfect surfaces. I've even sprayed my bed, but it's not helping to calm the evil beast. It's 5:22 AM, I don't know if I'll be able to make it until the Vet opens the door... I am unable to think of anything else, every itch, tingle of my skin is conspiring to keep me locked in an abyss.

Okay

Although I slept well, with help from Ambien, I awoke feeling the Anxiety tip-toeing in. So, we'll have to see what the rest of the day brings, there isn't much that I HAVE to do, but... there's plenty of SHOULD/NEED stuff. Yesterday, was actually such a lovely day. I worked for my sister, and spent some time with my son Dee, just hanging out. I was able to ignore the sizzling of his crackling voice... "puberty's punishment"!
Even Mother, the caretaker of the sacred "Holy Oil" didn't get a rise out of me. I was so pleased that I was able to fend off all nuisances, I felt in control. Once I made it home, I noticed that my water hose was missing. I think it's the mortgage company that I'm fighting with. I think it's harassment. I could be... wrong!!